Sardar Jokes

A Teacher lecturing on population:
- In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up
- we must find & stop her!.


Sardar - why r all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar - If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?


Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: Yes!


Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: it's already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.


Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.


Sardar's wish: when i die, i wana die like my grandpa
who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the
passengers in the car he was driving.


Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: " Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.


Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.


A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".


Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I lookat your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What otherproblem Can there be greater than this one?


Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.


Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.


Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."



A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".
My Father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans,"said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."



Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arrangedmarriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or"shoot himself".



What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.



Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave thehospital.
However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"



As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrongway on Route 280. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"



Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other
so the man asked him why did he do so.
He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.



Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down fromAmritsar, where he lived,
to Jalandar to meet his friend.
He reached therein a few hours.
After spending a few days there, he decided to return,
and called up his mother to expect him in the evening.
But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. "
When he finally reached home on the third day,
his distraught mother ran and asked him
" Arre Puttar, ki hoya? (What Happened, My Son?)
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey,
and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain,
agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"
(These Maruti Car people arecrazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!)



Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens
because all of the first lot had died.
A month later he was back at the dealer for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'



Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
& the other ensures U Continue to do so.



Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao,
Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya,
Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.



A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married,
Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.



Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...??
U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.



Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character thik ho jaaega.....
Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya hoga....???



Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying....
When a Person asked what he was doing....
He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!



Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!


Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.



1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions



They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,
it is love; after marriage it is self-defense

Jokes - Babies, Kindergarten and Mother

Why did you drop the baby?

Well, Mrs Sharma said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.

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Mom, are the Guptaji, our neighbour, very poor people?

I don't think so, beta. Why do you ask?

Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin!

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"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours."

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A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," says the little boy. His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won't be getting any breakfast. Well, he's a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows, and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, "Are you going to tell him, or shall I?"

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The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kid.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.

Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is the best place be in?

A : Inside the bus.

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Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city (Maha Nagri)?

A: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.

Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.

Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal do, agar Shame se nahi mara to Pain se mar jayega.

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In katil nigaho me aansoo lagte nahi achche,

Arz kiya hai,

in katil nigaho me aansoo lagte nahi achche,
aur sardi me jaldi sukhte nahi kachche!

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Patient 2 Munna Bhai: Dr. ye phulon ki maala kiske liye hai?
Munna Bhai: Bole to mera ye pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye.....!

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Biwi ka antim sanskar karke ek aadmi ghar ja raha tha ki bijli chamki,
baadal garje aur jor se baarish hui!

Aadmi bola, "lagta hai, pahuch gayi!

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Deadly Answers

Question : You are in a boat in the middle of a river.
You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette.
You dont have anything else with you in the boat?
How will you do it?

Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water.
So the boat will become LIGHTER........
using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette



another deadly answer.



Scroll down a little . . . . .



Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it.
Catches win Matches.
Using the matches that you win,
you can light the cigarette


If that was not enough,


one more deadly answer....



scroll down. . . . . . . .




Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...
(TIP - TIP) "TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee". . . . . . .



If that was not enough,



one more deadly answer....



scroll down



Start praising one cigarette,
The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"


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Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They are there for those who don't drink.


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Bill 75 /-

three friends went to a hotel.
the bill was Rs 75/-.
each one contributed Rs.25/-.
the waiter took the bill to the cashier.
the cashier was happy & decided to give them a discount of Rs.5/-
& said the waiter to return them Rs.5/-.
but he was confused how to distribute Rs 5 among 3 persons.
he kept Rs 2 in his pocket & gave one rupee to each one of the 3 persons.
so 1st each one contributed 25 Rs
now as they are given 1 rupee back
their contibution reduces to Rs 24.
they all contributed rs 24
that is 24x3=72
& 2 rupees are in the waiters pocket.
the total becomes 74
but they paid rs 75.

where is the remaining 1 rupee?